Another 2 more days 2010 is over, welcoMe 2011 yeaHeEe!!! Haha, this year lots of changes in my life made me grown up & think alot more which compare to last year. Last year I reM. is love relationship that make me fell badly & this year not only knowing y ii fell badly on relationship but also how can ii gain a better ones, of course my Prince haven showed up & ii also dunno who. Haha, but serious la ii think ii know what ii want in relationship now then last time anyhow. Another words will think more matured le ba. heheEex. ^^

I'm glad that this years there lots of changes, challenge in my life, though I failed, fell but I gain lots of lesson or expriences and they are:

-Never take things 4 granted cases like my Sketch Up lesson
-Put yourself in other ppl's shoes cases like Shermine; My puppy
-Think before yR lazziness mindset caused u terribly cases like Almost can't take my exam
-All the pros & cons, changes, flaws cases like Decision Making, whether u & that person competible, or qurral with someone else.
-Think broadly, Positve, Find the roots of problemes & solve it  cases like whoever made me angry or y d person behaving this way
 -Think before u speak as it may cost a person's life or hurt someone feelings cases like my ex & during gathering wif Barley & her friends
- Even Negativethings or person have their Strengths or usage
- Money can judge a person character cases like My ex
-Do everything wif Hardwork, Passion, Right attitude examples like Barley & Aaron Goh
-Dare to make friends & know ppl & Courage like My aunt told me sO ii won't just stuck if no one turn to
- Not to be so implusive if something goes wrong or not Satisfied cases like Mr Alex & Shermain
- Every obstacle in life is a step to success,
Really really I learnt alot due to Aaron Goh & Barley, they taught me lots of Values, Maorale, Attitude. A big & millions of thank u to them. These ppl changes my life & point of view in Life. So looking forward next year, ii think more & big challenge coming the way although feeling shaky & dunno what it will be but I think should be not a problem ba, oh ya not to 4gEt next year I turn 21 years old le.
Hmmmm my dreams & goals are:
*Get to Poly
*Own Characteristic like femine
* Be rich & feel rich
* Overseas in school wif my classmate

So so so, looking forward to 2011. *Whoosh!!!* ^^

Emoing now...

Christmas over!!! Something which made me sad somehow & tat's a flash of past memories. I reM. last year Christmas I gave someone my heart but the very next day he destroyed away. I was crying bitterly without him knowing. 1 year le, finally we had broken up 1 year but I will never forget how he made me feel on last year 26 Dec. He broken my heart and was really broken into pieces, till now it's hard for my heart to fix back.

Y?? Y?? Y every year Christmas suppose to be happy but in d end which made me feel sad?? U guys wanna know wat exactly?? Alright I shall tell u then. I reM. last year Christmas noon, ii was happily buy all the material and at my girlfriend's house handmade something to my ex. After making, I went out wif my friends and I meeting him after my friends. So ii personally went to his house wanna pass the present to him and sO he gave me a kiss. After kissing, ii looked into his eyes something's wrong. I asked him but he couldn't tell me, so indirectly it was his father talked to me. Then I realised he wanna broke up wif me but he couldn't say it. I couldn't believed it sO ii asked him is it true?? After Christmas we spoke & true enough, he broke up wif me.. How heartbreaking d both of us!!! And in d end ii accepted.

And this year Christmas was told by someone my attitude fuck up. And actually it's true. I couldn't accept something tat I wasn't like to listen and do so I gave an arrogrant attitude. And now I think I understand le y tat person say my attitude fuck up. Tat person was none other but Mr Aaron Goh my teacher, he was right and got a point ii made lots of self-reflection & ii learnt lots beside this.

He taught me, whenever negetive of someone think of d reason's y. Eg Shermine cases, ii dislike her so does everyones,  he taught me tat instead ganging up to bully her, y not tell her nicely let her know d reason y ppl dislike her & he also taught me if in her shoes ii was bullied, how would ii feel. Another words, ii should encourage her, tell her nicely and putting yourselves on other's shoes & showing kindness & considertion for ppl more no matter what.
Another Eg I wondering Y my close girlfriend was so good towards d person ii like. Mr Aaron Goh gave me lots of reasons which another words think broadly. So after thinking broadly, ii should find d roots of problems & solve it. Watever it is, ii wanna thanks Aaron Goh something ii wanna say: "Aaron Goh!! I had start writing down watever u taught me how, no matter in blog or photo album. And some u taught me was deeply inside my head liao, so don't say I never take note or write down hor!!!!"

Oh ya, 4gEt to mentioned thanks 4 his Xmas present which ii never thought he would bought personally & gave me on spot.. Kinda surprise & touched, heex. Ermm ii had read 3 pages so far liao & then hor.. Some pages ii don understand d meaning leh, next time ii meet u up again ii will ask u for it.

Lastly today's Xmas is a self-reflecting for me.. Well, at first ii feel upset but after expressing out ii feel much better le. ^^

Let me share wif u guys how to cultivate Positive thinking..

Recently happened many stuffs, not only ii learned & applying it but also ii learned a new skill which ii guess not many ppl can do tat, haha!! *hao lian-ing** LoL.

Well tat skills which is Positive Thinking. I understand in life we will be facing obstacle & problems but think if without them or if we don't fall isn't we won't improve ourselves yahx?? As for love relationship if we never fell out of love, how are we going to know our next partners well, care 4 them & underatand them. Of course ii don mean keep changing partners la if not it means flirt & not serious already, haha!

I reM. my Form Teacher Mr Alex showed us a bottle only half water in it. So to u guys, is water in the bottle is half empty or half full?? Differen ppl look at it differently, yes we may see it is half empty which actually means negative but y not we see as half full instead. Why?? Every obstacle or problems in life is a stepping stone to success, same goes to love relationship. And my Qns to u, if ever u fall, will u pick yourself up, challenge yourself wat's up ahead or will u just stayed where u fallen and keep dwelling the past?? So in order to cultivate Positive Thinking, ask yourself, do u wanna be a loser or winner in life?? Even if we are not d best but we are all unique, isn't it??

Seriously, who don't fall, even myself had fell & hurted badly n deeply but if yourself not going to gEt up, then how?? There's still a long way in life that we had to go through.. My another Qns, how many years are u going to waste if u don't wanna make changes?? Hmmm sound familiar to me& ii will never forget this sentences cOs was my Teacher Mr Aaron Goh taught me. Lol. Of course not easy to be Positve & Consistence cOs we are humans after all but think, what's d roots that causes us being negative or holding on so either we tell ourself to be brave to solve it or being croward running away from it. Choose one instead. ^^

This is wat troubling me..

Loving a paerson is hard and why am I always love a person which in d ends no blossom?!! I reM. when ii was 17 years old was like tat & this year also like tat but in a different situation. Seriously when ii like or love a person I'm very good at hidding it, even my closest friend, ii dOn tell she wont even know. Haha!! This which I'm very proud of myself, heheEex. ^^But seriously even when liking a person is hard cOs ii will think of d past which really hurts deeply, although ever since my last ex & ii had broken up coming 4 months but I will never 4gEt every moments & every words he say always in my mind. When being wif him, I feel sO happy, he gave me d gentle & patience which ii never found in my 1st love. Seriously every details, moments wif him will forever stayed wif me, these memories are not like keypad "backspace" which u wanted to delete away means delete away. So far past 20 years of my life these 2 guys are d most memorable. My last ex although we stead was short but he really very nice person, of course there's ugly truth why we broken up but to me is a happy, sweet memories. As for my 1st love, omg!!! Damn terrible, our break was a nightmare to me, serious. Till now ii think this will be my probia & make me hard to trust guys. Actually to speak d truth, both have d same pattern but my last ex was better compared to my 1st love. Well, anyway this showed that how much we had loved each other before but already past. I know they had move on, as for me I'm stuck. Every time ii wish to move on, ii hesitate. Why??

Cos d fear of being hurt again, ii dared not go into another relationship cause I'm really scared & I need sercurity which very hard la.. So this guy which recently ii had crushed wif, I'm still observing as ii don wish myself fallen deeper & ii know is one-sided. However ii know quite alot from him & ii guess ii know his hidden words & feeling, I really feel sad for him, it bleed in my heart too but d only reson ii wish to know is why his ex & him broken up. And their relationship is really very long. Haix, love is so complicated. *headache**

But what ii know his ex already have a boyfriend & watever ii guess all Bingo!! Wat ii need is d reason & if ii know, another step of understanding him deeper. Well, ii think ii just wish to understand him deeper but not to the extend of love la. And one funny things is ii realised all d guys ii had liked or loved either same age as me or younger, cannot be 5 years older than me. HAHA!! Seriously funniest things is when ppl interested in u, u might not be interested back same logic that ii understand ii intereted that person but maybe he not interested in me. I already can prepared all d negative thoughts. Haix.. And whenever this thought occurs, it flash back my past memories.. :( Tell me how, if there's one pill that can take away all d past memories & d troubled ii feeling now, cost $10,000 ii also will buy lo, just to eat it & forget. haha!

Just like a knife cutting my own flesh too, heart aching..

I still haven sleep, was checking on something just now. Wat ii can say is patience is needed & my efforts really really pays off for wat ii had put in just now.. My heart is terribly broken now. I know d answer le for wat ii had found out.


Should ii give up as ii only just starting?? I mean for love relationship. I hope someone can share d same feeling as me now.. I'm really sad not only for tat person but myself too. I wish to wrote in details & express my feelings but not only ii can't, I'm afraid ii will cry. Maybe d timing was wrong & ii really dunno how. I hate myself for liking a person whom he does not know ii like him. So far ii think ii guess ii can understand how he feel & d words without expressing but ii was still puzzled, Y? Y? Y?


I'm always like a person who ii shouldn't like, in chinese translation: "Ai Shang Yi Ke Bu Yin Gai Ai De Ren" meaning ii  hope u guys understood. Haix... I wish to find out more & knowing d answer but ii don have d courage and due to many factors... I'm sorry, d purpose of writing Blog is to express out but ii can't. I know might as well ii shouldn't Blog but ii caN't help it. If really ii keep quiet, ii will just burst out all d emotion all I've been feeling which actually not good for mentally & physically. How how how???


I guess I'm not d type he will liked neither I'm suitable for him ba. I'm not trying to comfort myself or running away from problems but at least ii wont sad or hurts tat much. Seriously ii said this because I know wat kind of girl am ii & into a relationship which maybe big difference of his dream girl. And ii think ii know wat he is thing about, not 100% but 70% to 80%. However sadly ii say ii will be still liking u... :(

Had a quarrel wif mygal friends & my thoughts..

Today had a quarral wif my gal friends, feeling awful now.. Hope tml it's all right & she see my point of view. Well wat ii can say this incident nobody's at fault but just tat dOn carry too far. I'm only disappointed tat she's as my close friend tot she would understand me& ii will angry but in d end she laugh d loudest & seriously sometimes something keep continuing is annoying & irritating. haIx..

Recently ii already vexed enough, hope someone would understand me. But instead of solving but d problems seems bigger. Well, ii think ii have no rights to like/love anybody esp guys. Pls dOn misunderstood, I'm straight. Just feel that I'm not good enough for ppl & as wounds still hurts & past haunting me which seriously ii dare not like/love. Even if ii do, ii will be just crushing on tat person.Well, ii think neither another party will like me or ii should say nobody likes/loves me. "Once bitten twice shy" & this terrible incident which really not daring to move forward or try another relationship. I'm too afraid history repeated & I'm afraid of loving someone cOs end up hurting him. What should ii do then?? sad :(

Next thing, ii dont think I'm somebody,I'm just nobody, useless, failure, coward or worst loser!!! I know ii shouldn't feel this way but ii caN't help it. In 20 yers in my life, I achieved nothing neither ii make my family proud too. Sometimes wondering ii born into this world for?? Really, if u think u are ugly, I feel myself ugly 10 times more, u are low self-esteem, I'm 100 times more low self-esteem. Watever negative u feel about yourself, reM. I'm worst of all. Sometimes ii wish to achieve something but in d end how hard ii worked in d end does not belongs to me & why?? This world are too competive & when u are closer to your goals, somebody higher took it away. How tragic & sad that caan be!!! I reM. once ii do my very best in something and in d end ii missed d opportunity of getting d prizes due to some reason. Cant really reM. wat is it about but I'm just so unlucky tat always when something good, another bad things will happen to me. Probably it's God's will or my fate ba. I think no one will really understand how ii feel. I can never be somebody. 2ndly, d greatest enemy is myself, sometimes ii really feel like giving up, no point. I wonder really this is life or we can actually really change it?? If really can change it but how?? I feel sO down & all these ii mentioned above really troubling me. Instead of being positive, I'm negative. I don't need recognize but care & love. Is it so hard?? :(