Today had a quarral wif my gal friends, feeling awful now.. Hope tml it's all right & she see my point of view. Well wat ii can say this incident nobody's at fault but just tat dOn carry too far. I'm only disappointed tat she's as my close friend tot she would understand me& ii will angry but in d end she laugh d loudest & seriously sometimes something keep continuing is annoying & irritating. haIx..
Recently ii already vexed enough, hope someone would understand me. But instead of solving but d problems seems bigger. Well, ii think ii have no rights to like/love anybody esp guys. Pls dOn misunderstood, I'm straight. Just feel that I'm not good enough for ppl & as wounds still hurts & past haunting me which seriously ii dare not like/love. Even if ii do, ii will be just crushing on tat person.Well, ii think neither another party will like me or ii should say nobody likes/loves me. "Once bitten twice shy" & this terrible incident which really not daring to move forward or try another relationship. I'm too afraid history repeated & I'm afraid of loving someone cOs end up hurting him. What should ii do then?? sad :(
Next thing, ii dont think I'm somebody,I'm just nobody, useless, failure, coward or worst loser!!! I know ii shouldn't feel this way but ii caN't help it. In 20 yers in my life, I achieved nothing neither ii make my family proud too. Sometimes wondering ii born into this world for?? Really, if u think u are ugly, I feel myself ugly 10 times more, u are low self-esteem, I'm 100 times more low self-esteem. Watever negative u feel about yourself, reM. I'm worst of all. Sometimes ii wish to achieve something but in d end how hard ii worked in d end does not belongs to me & why?? This world are too competive & when u are closer to your goals, somebody higher took it away. How tragic & sad that caan be!!! I reM. once ii do my very best in something and in d end ii missed d opportunity of getting d prizes due to some reason. Cant really reM. wat is it about but I'm just so unlucky tat always when something good, another bad things will happen to me. Probably it's God's will or my fate ba. I think no one will really understand how ii feel. I can never be somebody. 2ndly, d greatest enemy is myself, sometimes ii really feel like giving up, no point. I wonder really this is life or we can actually really change it?? If really can change it but how?? I feel sO down & all these ii mentioned above really troubling me. Instead of being positive, I'm negative. I don't need recognize but care & love. Is it so hard?? :(
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