Y am ii like this??..

I hate myself ever since ii re-open school. I feel myself being useless, lack of motivation & not open up.Everything ii do just feel useless.

Well, the reasons I/m being like this ii don denied I/m lazy, dwelling the past, lost my spiritual food & not certain about the future. Actually there's so much ii want to do bt ii just caN't do it.

Actually d main things ii want is need ppl encourage, motivate me & challenge me so can push me. I dont ask doesn't mean ii don need. I'm not good at expressing so mostly ii kept it silent. No one in d world understand me & know wat ii thinking. Who will be there 4 me when ii need some1?? I think just leave me in lurch & let me die ba. I lost all my motivation, direction & sprit. Not knowing what ii want is suffering & indeed. Tat's how ii feel & ii feel like dying.

CH was right, ii caNt put down & what d fucking hell am ii holding to it?!! Yes, ii missed all d past memories & ii don denied ii wan to go back to d past. But is it possible?? I think I'm now very stupid 4 thinking this way.

I look at other couple, ii don understand y ii can't be like them?? I look at my friends & observe the way they behave, their mentality y ii can't be like them?? U may say I'm comparing bt it's true ii don feel myself are good enough.

The guys ii like, they have the potential & very good, ii feel ii not good enough 4 them & they deserve a better gal rather a gal like me. Tat's how ii feel bt nothing ii can do.

Can ii really enter into Poly?? Can ii go through these 2 years in Higher Nitec?? Can ii cope with Studies & Work together?? Can ii become a better person?? Can ii have my motivation & direction back?? Can I find my Mr. Right / True love soon?? All d doubts ii have, can ii do it??

I wanna give up le, and y?? I dare not ask doesn't mean ii don need bt if ii really do, how many respond can ii get?? I also wanna become a person which is giving than receiving bt ii don know how. Can anyone guide me??

I really need a person who will always be there 4 me as well as ii wanna be independent. Actually from bottom of my heart ii feel empty. Really really empty. Thought of seeing physiologist or undergoing counseling. Haix, what should ii do?? I dislike myself now..