Y am I like that?...

Haix... I feel so down. Y, can anyone tell me why?? Y am I like that? I don feel like going to school & I love going school late although I know it's wrong not going school & I tried going school early but I caN't bring myself to. It's seems like I lost motivation in studies, I tried giving best to be a good student & I always wanted to be but whenever I want to be, I'm back my old-self. Frankly speaking, I'm dissappointed with myself, urtterly dissapointed in myself.  And it seems there's so much I need to overcome to a new-self. :

Next thing, I feel so boring, it seems whatever I do seems dull, bored. Dunno why, proberly I need someone to share with me or accompany me but I know if too rely on someone also not a good thing. Haix.. Maybe I need to be more Positive but for now I can't. My friends are right I know what to do & can do but I choose not to, is not I giving up but just have this kind of feeling that I can't be bothered to anything & seems like ppl advise I also can't heed it. I knew d result / consequences but it's llike I delibrately wanna hit against it. If I can't feel d pain, I'm not satisfied. Well, sound psycho but this wat my evil side telling me. Haha!! B-)

Can anyone tell me off?!! I just need a harsh scolding, proberly can wake me up to my senses. Seriously, I'm not always good but when I'm good, nobody knows. Yes, I know this english proverbs: The more I delay changing, it's like wasting alot of my time not to change. " I knew & understand the meaning but Y I couldn't have that Yes I want to change attitude?? Y?? What exactly is the things that I lack of?? I couldn't figure it out. U know what? Since I have this mindset right, I feel like not doing anything nor that motivation to change it.

Well, maybe I really need to do something about it but wat if halfway ii stop or procrasinated??  A proverbs also saying: "It's takes 3 days to turn bad but 3 years to be good." Since bad are so easily y must make ourself difficult to be good?? And even good in the end we become bad again. D imperfection in us seems so strong that it's sO hard to get rid. Tell me? Anyway at the end of d day, I know I shouldd keep asking myself: Wat kind of person I want to be??

Another thing, never guess what am I thinking neither ask me to give a reason. I hate it!!! I have my reason hating it. Cause I also have my personal privacy & reason doing so. I'm not selfish tat don't want to share but is d hurts & problems are too heavy to bear. I can only say this is really very hard to overcome & I believed no one in d world will give a defined answer. It can only help to feel better but nobody can really do it including myself. Want to know what is it about?!! Haha, this will be my secret & it will hide within myself till I can one day get rid of it. Anyway if really want to talk about it, will be complicated & no ending.

Wat's happening for now & recenly..

Yeah, feel like updating my Blog & here I am. Pheww... Yesterday just Role-play & ii feel so relived. It seems it's true preparation determines tomorrows achievement & this word I wanna thanks Aaron Goh as last few weeks he told me about that but still I doesn't like last minutes work. Haha! B-) I feel my hard work & effort are worth it and guess wat?!! My actual role-play tat day was so embrassing. Service breakdown, ii 4gOt passed d broken shoes to my partner, in d end every one laugh like mad. LOL, ai yo... how blur & 4gEtful I am! No wonder ii feel something's not right but couldn't find wat's wrong. Haha, anyway I'm glad my class enjoyed my role-play & hope I did well, however ii feel there's much more room for improvement. heheEex. ^^

Upcoming will be my CSO Role-play which on Monday 29 Nov but I hope role-play on Tuesday instead cOs ii have so much things to do & not yet ready. (sign)* Hope will be a good one. So many things to plan & do which missed all my friends & how much we had lots of fun & activities in d past. (sad)* Wondering how all my friends now.. Nigel will sure be miss cOs of your lame stuff, Mavis Ong, due to your Navy, CH will miss too due to overseas for weeks, Joyce due to work & so on... Ps: "Hope u guys are doing fine orhz & so long didn't meet up le, anyway must take care orhz!" And d most important person in my life I missed so much was my grandma. I so long didn't visit her, hope to visit her soon proberly next week ba.

hMmmm my Normal & Peaceful life was back, I feel so bless. Although "jia jia you ben nan nian de jin" but still I like my family, and not to forgEt these friends been with me all awhile. Let bygone be bygone, start all over & everything or journey is just a begining... Seriously, ii feel that all unhappiness due to imperfection & we're all still immatured so if down d road ii hope to see u guys again & proberly ii will just say Hi but don't expect me to talk cOs ii do weak in starting a topic. HAHA! B-)

Ya, just saw Fahmi, he past NS and now he's working, he told Mavis & I he plan getting married. It was like wow.. And seems like most of my Secondary classmate are married. LOL! And talk about marriage I hope somebody quickly hav a big sum of money & brave enough go after d girl he like and marry her. U know who ii refering. I wish u all d bEst yaHx & u also d one been helping me & with me all this while though u are nagging & long-winded. Haha!

My life, thinking was 360 degree change, thanks to these friends of mine. I dunno wat to say but I feel so bless & know u guys. However I'm still imperfect, I still have improvement to make. Hmmm well.. Barley u are right Somethings there ii can change is just tat I don't want only. I need more time cOs ii know very well, especially ii have to overcome my laziness & talk about this I diNt go school today. Haha! B-) Maybe, it's time to change my mindset & it will change my life however I feel not ready yet. I'm afraid cOs I'm afraid if I fall I'm unable to pick myself up. Wat should I do then? Should I risk or should I not? And it took 21 days if wanna change something, sometimes my consistence fail after some period of time too. Haha! B-) Anyway I think ii gt d answer. :D And answer will be: Every steps lead to success, and if you ever want to success, take up d first steps. Maybe difficult, may fail, may stumble but once overcome it with a persevance heart, u are half of d battle. Am I right?? heEex. ^^





Hmmm

I see through your colours..

Yo Bloggy! Here I am to update. Recently there's something happening & this incident let me see how horrible this person can be! In my 20 years of life, this is my 1st time go through these incident. *tsk tsk tsk..** I don't wish to update but caN't help it cOs these update will help & remind me of these lesson.

This person is none others ppl my ex-boyfriend. Well, I think I shouldn't sound nice call him as my ex, should call him Shamless guy. We shall name him shameless guy instead ba. HAHA! B-) WHY I named him shamless lei?? Cause he owned lots of ppl money & things including mine.I will never 4gEt he owned me $62 & worst still, not only he dOn't want to return but giving lots of excuses & make lots of sarcastics remark on me. I will never forgive him not because he owned me money but d way he make me feel. Seriously, not only dissapointed but hard-hearted. I promise in down the roads I will never going to have anything to do with him.

In the past I was blinded that how good he was but I was wrong. Totally Wrong!!! If I never choose to be with him, I might be very good term wif another guy which till now I crush on him. If compare, he really much more better than tat shamless guy. At least not only appearance win him but attitude, morale, values and etc as well. Knowing him is a disaster to me which also good it took me 1 year to see his true colour. 2ndly ii also wanna stress but not pin-pointing, this lady she is a friend of mine & shamless guy, she also owned me money, best is tat she can act as not her business wich she also have a shared. Now then I know wat kind of ppl will mix wif their kind of ppl. Not surprise anyway, is just that now ii truely see it wif my own eyes.

Well, at first I was really very angry. I want my money back!!!! And u guys know what?? He did something which he thought I dunno & talk big tat ask ppl face d music but he himself running away from it. Damn ridiculous!! I caN't help it ROFL!!!! HAHA. I really feel why got these kind of ppl which can take ppl for granted as don't even feel shameful. Don't they know it's their hard-earned money or they strive their best to acheieve something and yet they can treat & took it like nothing happen?? I don't understand, what so good taking something which doesn't belongs to them? As d ppl who being take for granted, I know how u guys feel, never mind cOs in exchange we saw their true colour & since we cant stop them taking advantage of ppl, let them be. I strongly belive God is Justice & he will judge to it. This matter is closed, I believe ppl who is matured enough will understand & judge for themselves too, anyway case closed.

Last thing, I had deleted all the emotional feelings I feel towards him in Blog but some useful to me but are link abit of him it's ok then as I treat it a learning lesson & wont repeat it again. From now onwards I'm a brand new Wan Hui Xian (Jaslin) tat put everyting in d past & there's so much for me to learn in the future. Thanks to him too which make me realized what ii want in my new relationship & much more clearer view ii also want in life & goals. Watever I learn in d process, I will slowly process it. Haha, I'm much more confidence now & learning never enough. :)

Finally understand d thoughts & expressing it..

Yo, I'm here to update my blogs & share wif u guys, haha! B-) Hmmmm recently I reading a book & title of book "Total Confidence". Reason of reading this book not only because I no confidence (Partial) but really curious me and after reading it, I find it's so interesting! This book taught not only how to be Confidence but also telling u d causes & analysis u d problems & solution, is a very useful book & is worth to read. *5 thumbs up!!**

Hmmm another thing, I realized how bless to know and glad to have all friends wif me no matter how busy our lifestyle or etc. Glad & love to have all my friends. And ii also realized past is a experience, present & future is learning & processing. I will never stop learning & processing neither 4get how d past will lead me to d present now. And ii also realised all d negative happening actually is a stepping stone to success. Not to forget this words & believe was shared wif one of my galfriends too. I'm so happy as just now I also typed a long message to one of my guy friends to thanks him & all my heartfelt words.

After all those things happening, it make me grow stronger, confidence, matured & a better person. I wanna thanks those in d past hurts me cOs it make me learn of loving, who taking advantage of me which make me learn to give generously & who provoke me which make me learn to be more patience. Without these ppl, I'm sure I'm still naive, ignorance, innocent and etc. Not to forget also applies to relationship as well. heex.^^ Here ii wish everyone well & stay healthy always! *cheers**

My thoughts..

Time past fast easily, going to be one year after break with my ex. Seriously, he's my first and true love but just a word & agreement we can either be friends or a total stranger. I'm wondering Y is this world so realistic?? Well but there's something ii wanted to share, hMmmm ii urterly disappointed with the attitude you behave, to me no matter how hardworking or good you are but based of that 2 incident my image of u will be gone forever. Y?? Because at d spot u hurt me deeply & I really given up. Well, another thing ii realized we don hav common view & thinking, when I'm ahead u are miles away from me & since we are so far apart, it's naturally we can't communicate well. I had accepted this facts ever since I decided to face it.

Next thing, I wanna thanks this guy friend & gal friend of mine, they taught me lot of things which I understand and think more deep which helped me think more on d positive side as I had understand & apply. But something I don understand, since I know ii can no need bother about that person who disappointed me, but his preseence affected my emotion somehow.. Y is this so??

Hmmm I learned something which make me strong, I can let go finally. No matter how heartbrak d sun still shine & earth still rotate. This means life still move on although there will be scars but time can heal the scars & it's up to u whether u believe it anot. This will be d proverb always with me : "The deeper you love, when is gone d deeper hurt you will feel". I know everyone will sure agree & understand but to prevent it please don put 100% into it. Love is not everything however love is blind.