Tell me wat to do??

Bloggy, tell me wat to do ii really feel exhausted, mentally unwell. I just want to be loved & love someone after my past relationship tat all are failed but y it seems so difficult for me?? Recently ii fell for a guy, he's good but there's stH in him ii know ii cant accept. I don wish to reveal cOs it seems noot nice to do that however if he's not like that maybe ii will love him alot but after yesterday we chated on d phone, ii knew he alr have someone else in mind & tat lady love him too. Y, tell me y... Y always ii fell for a guy which ii suppose not to & it will hurt me emotionally?!!! I know i'm sttupid, I'm silly but ii cant help it.

Secondly, this is my ex. I'm graceful tat he had been protected me all this while although we are now friends but do u know that ii rather u dont do tat?!! Cos actually it made me feel tat ii don deserved it & ii don wish to owned u anything. Although d feeling is great but what if one day u are gone too & ii rely u too much?? I will lost, insecured & upset for long. Actually ii still care & concerned u too but ii cant tell u cOs ii know u had someone else, wat's d point ii telling u but ii also don wish u to be confused or mixed feeling. Even u wont, ii will also choose not to say... Seriously if can love u back ii will but ii don think so le cOs don think is d right time yet & u are right there's really alot barrier not only u, me too also feel this way. I can say ii know very well that these two guys ii used to love ii can have them pysically but not their heart anymore.. Maybe this is reality ba.

Seriously ii really envy girls that they have another person love them so much, y ii don have?? Beside ii knowing my weaknesses ii also feel tat I'm not good enough for any guy. Honestly ii don think I'm good but I'm trying but so wat ii keep trying?!! Nobody will appreciate me anyway. I don seek for attention, ii don ask for care & concern but still y nobody realise it?? Am ii really not likeable, noticeable?? Seriously, I'm not like other girls they can express wat they want verbally & through their action, ii just need a guy that without ii expressing but can see through me. Sometimes it's really damn hard finding someone u love and he love u back, even if found but there's lots of problems too. Haix..

After all, everything is so complicated. Y do ii love d wrong guy & brought upon myself miserable. I don mind anyone scolding me now at least ii will feel better. I know surely will say my time not come yet but god knows d process is long-suffering.. Anyway ii can wait but ii cant wait forever cOs ii will also change my mindset too.

Deeply in my heart, ii really hurt, upset & utterly disappointed...

This month September was really a great blow for me, 1st of all ii have to struggle for Exam & everything seems last mins & ii don think my presentation ii did well. Not only ii disappointed wif myself as well my group members, they did not present according my slide. As for myself ii did not brief enough for introduction of my presentation. Haix..

As for Exam, ii think ii fail my CPA Paper. Watever ii study did not came out & even if ii brief through wat ii memories ii totally forgotten & ii wrote my ans to another Qns as ii mixed up. I'm really disappointed wif myself and ii think ii disappointed my CPA Teacher cOs he really have a high expectation on me. I reM. tat day Exam, as ii walk in d Hall, he told me "Jaslin, must gEt A!" I was like... ... ... I know ii caNt hit his expectation, ii did told him ii don think so but he said: Don worry u can. Omg!! It was like, I'm very stress & ii alr wanna cry cOs ii knew it. True enough, it happened. And tat 2 days Exam really struggling & stressful, D last Paper was CPA & it ws on my Birthday. I will never forget. Do u guys experience this, ii even no mood to celebrate my Birthday plus ii can tell u guys this 3 weeks holiday, I'm not happy.

I know no point crying over a spilt milk & work harder next time but d expectation for myself was like ii trying very hard but ii still failed. I dunno should ii just give up cOs I'm utterly disappointed wif myself & ii caant find d motivation y and how should ii work towards it. POLYTECHNIC, it seems so far to reach u, can ii make it?? I wondering...

2ndly, this recently my last particular one guy he broke my heart, make me lost faith & trust in guys & realtionship but ii know caNt fully blame him cOs ii do also have faults. Maybe just blame me being too sily. Well, deep inside my heart ii dunno can ii go into next relationship as my past few relationship ii hurt them as well they hurt me. I know this process is natural & ii learned but d pain was really painful. Y ii treat it seriously but end up like this?? Honestly ii just want like other girls aguy who love me faithfully no matter who ii am and correct me patiently as ii know I'm bad-tempered, not gentle, demanding but it's seems it was so difficult for me & complicated. I regretted, ii lost, ii hurt but ii just want anew & this time ii really will treasure & ii will change into a better loving gf towards my next relationship. Can ii but I'm afraid to take this risk again too.

I have weaknesses & I'm not perfect, now ii know if ii want ppl to accept my weakness ii have to accept their weakness as well. I wanna say sorry to my ex-bf, now then ii realised lots of things but it cant amended back. Although we caNt be lover but I'm happy as we are now friends as well and ii do treasure u as a friend too. Sometimes something are just not mend to be but I'm glad & contented as ii have d memories will do. Evey of my ex-bf, ii just wanna thanks u all and u guys make a great impact of my life.