Finally understand d thoughts & expressing it..

Yo, I'm here to update my blogs & share wif u guys, haha! B-) Hmmmm recently I reading a book & title of book "Total Confidence". Reason of reading this book not only because I no confidence (Partial) but really curious me and after reading it, I find it's so interesting! This book taught not only how to be Confidence but also telling u d causes & analysis u d problems & solution, is a very useful book & is worth to read. *5 thumbs up!!**

Hmmm another thing, I realized how bless to know and glad to have all friends wif me no matter how busy our lifestyle or etc. Glad & love to have all my friends. And ii also realized past is a experience, present & future is learning & processing. I will never stop learning & processing neither 4get how d past will lead me to d present now. And ii also realised all d negative happening actually is a stepping stone to success. Not to forget this words & believe was shared wif one of my galfriends too. I'm so happy as just now I also typed a long message to one of my guy friends to thanks him & all my heartfelt words.

After all those things happening, it make me grow stronger, confidence, matured & a better person. I wanna thanks those in d past hurts me cOs it make me learn of loving, who taking advantage of me which make me learn to give generously & who provoke me which make me learn to be more patience. Without these ppl, I'm sure I'm still naive, ignorance, innocent and etc. Not to forget also applies to relationship as well. heex.^^ Here ii wish everyone well & stay healthy always! *cheers**

My thoughts..

Time past fast easily, going to be one year after break with my ex. Seriously, he's my first and true love but just a word & agreement we can either be friends or a total stranger. I'm wondering Y is this world so realistic?? Well but there's something ii wanted to share, hMmmm ii urterly disappointed with the attitude you behave, to me no matter how hardworking or good you are but based of that 2 incident my image of u will be gone forever. Y?? Because at d spot u hurt me deeply & I really given up. Well, another thing ii realized we don hav common view & thinking, when I'm ahead u are miles away from me & since we are so far apart, it's naturally we can't communicate well. I had accepted this facts ever since I decided to face it.

Next thing, I wanna thanks this guy friend & gal friend of mine, they taught me lot of things which I understand and think more deep which helped me think more on d positive side as I had understand & apply. But something I don understand, since I know ii can no need bother about that person who disappointed me, but his preseence affected my emotion somehow.. Y is this so??

Hmmm I learned something which make me strong, I can let go finally. No matter how heartbrak d sun still shine & earth still rotate. This means life still move on although there will be scars but time can heal the scars & it's up to u whether u believe it anot. This will be d proverb always with me : "The deeper you love, when is gone d deeper hurt you will feel". I know everyone will sure agree & understand but to prevent it please don put 100% into it. Love is not everything however love is blind.

Tell me wat to do??

Bloggy, tell me wat to do ii really feel exhausted, mentally unwell. I just want to be loved & love someone after my past relationship tat all are failed but y it seems so difficult for me?? Recently ii fell for a guy, he's good but there's stH in him ii know ii cant accept. I don wish to reveal cOs it seems noot nice to do that however if he's not like that maybe ii will love him alot but after yesterday we chated on d phone, ii knew he alr have someone else in mind & tat lady love him too. Y, tell me y... Y always ii fell for a guy which ii suppose not to & it will hurt me emotionally?!!! I know i'm sttupid, I'm silly but ii cant help it.

Secondly, this is my ex. I'm graceful tat he had been protected me all this while although we are now friends but do u know that ii rather u dont do tat?!! Cos actually it made me feel tat ii don deserved it & ii don wish to owned u anything. Although d feeling is great but what if one day u are gone too & ii rely u too much?? I will lost, insecured & upset for long. Actually ii still care & concerned u too but ii cant tell u cOs ii know u had someone else, wat's d point ii telling u but ii also don wish u to be confused or mixed feeling. Even u wont, ii will also choose not to say... Seriously if can love u back ii will but ii don think so le cOs don think is d right time yet & u are right there's really alot barrier not only u, me too also feel this way. I can say ii know very well that these two guys ii used to love ii can have them pysically but not their heart anymore.. Maybe this is reality ba.

Seriously ii really envy girls that they have another person love them so much, y ii don have?? Beside ii knowing my weaknesses ii also feel tat I'm not good enough for any guy. Honestly ii don think I'm good but I'm trying but so wat ii keep trying?!! Nobody will appreciate me anyway. I don seek for attention, ii don ask for care & concern but still y nobody realise it?? Am ii really not likeable, noticeable?? Seriously, I'm not like other girls they can express wat they want verbally & through their action, ii just need a guy that without ii expressing but can see through me. Sometimes it's really damn hard finding someone u love and he love u back, even if found but there's lots of problems too. Haix..

After all, everything is so complicated. Y do ii love d wrong guy & brought upon myself miserable. I don mind anyone scolding me now at least ii will feel better. I know surely will say my time not come yet but god knows d process is long-suffering.. Anyway ii can wait but ii cant wait forever cOs ii will also change my mindset too.

Deeply in my heart, ii really hurt, upset & utterly disappointed...

This month September was really a great blow for me, 1st of all ii have to struggle for Exam & everything seems last mins & ii don think my presentation ii did well. Not only ii disappointed wif myself as well my group members, they did not present according my slide. As for myself ii did not brief enough for introduction of my presentation. Haix..

As for Exam, ii think ii fail my CPA Paper. Watever ii study did not came out & even if ii brief through wat ii memories ii totally forgotten & ii wrote my ans to another Qns as ii mixed up. I'm really disappointed wif myself and ii think ii disappointed my CPA Teacher cOs he really have a high expectation on me. I reM. tat day Exam, as ii walk in d Hall, he told me "Jaslin, must gEt A!" I was like... ... ... I know ii caNt hit his expectation, ii did told him ii don think so but he said: Don worry u can. Omg!! It was like, I'm very stress & ii alr wanna cry cOs ii knew it. True enough, it happened. And tat 2 days Exam really struggling & stressful, D last Paper was CPA & it ws on my Birthday. I will never forget. Do u guys experience this, ii even no mood to celebrate my Birthday plus ii can tell u guys this 3 weeks holiday, I'm not happy.

I know no point crying over a spilt milk & work harder next time but d expectation for myself was like ii trying very hard but ii still failed. I dunno should ii just give up cOs I'm utterly disappointed wif myself & ii caant find d motivation y and how should ii work towards it. POLYTECHNIC, it seems so far to reach u, can ii make it?? I wondering...

2ndly, this recently my last particular one guy he broke my heart, make me lost faith & trust in guys & realtionship but ii know caNt fully blame him cOs ii do also have faults. Maybe just blame me being too sily. Well, deep inside my heart ii dunno can ii go into next relationship as my past few relationship ii hurt them as well they hurt me. I know this process is natural & ii learned but d pain was really painful. Y ii treat it seriously but end up like this?? Honestly ii just want like other girls aguy who love me faithfully no matter who ii am and correct me patiently as ii know I'm bad-tempered, not gentle, demanding but it's seems it was so difficult for me & complicated. I regretted, ii lost, ii hurt but ii just want anew & this time ii really will treasure & ii will change into a better loving gf towards my next relationship. Can ii but I'm afraid to take this risk again too.

I have weaknesses & I'm not perfect, now ii know if ii want ppl to accept my weakness ii have to accept their weakness as well. I wanna say sorry to my ex-bf, now then ii realised lots of things but it cant amended back. Although we caNt be lover but I'm happy as we are now friends as well and ii do treasure u as a friend too. Sometimes something are just not mend to be but I'm glad & contented as ii have d memories will do. Evey of my ex-bf, ii just wanna thanks u all and u guys make a great impact of my life.

You made my feeling go back to u...

Bloggy, here ii wanna share something with u. Hmmm ii dunno why my feeling go back to him. Actually before my ex-boyfriend, ii liked him but because in the end ii choose my ex-boyfriend so we actually ended up normal friend & seldom communicate. Well, ii should put it in a way to say we're just normal friend but ii enjoyed being with him, bickering with him & communicate with him.

Although I dun really know him well and less outing with him or with a group of friends but ii feel comfortable with him. Sometimes ii emoing, he will do something to cheer me up or stay silently with me. He change quite alot for now which ii like him more. In the past avtually ii feel something for him but ii dared not say and ii asked myself these question before:
*Why ii like him?
*What makes me fall for him?
*Am ii really like him or just a crush?
After liking him, can ii accept his weakness as well?
I already can accept his weakness but still in d end ii choosed my ex-boyfriend. Reason ii think because we both did not express out or fear being rejected.

Actually ii feel nothing towards him cOs ii still loved my ex-boyfriend but the process when we both together, my feeling goes back to him again. We had less memories together but watever it happened, ii dunno y ii can remember clearly.
Eg: Sharing of umbrella; whenever we go home together after school; when ii heart-brokened he cheered me up; he asked me to accompanied him buy things for his sister. As for now which happened just yesterday...
Eg: He accompained me sent a friend to bus-stopmaybe he's worried as I'm a lady, he helped me take meat ball as ii complained ii never ate d meatball at all & late midnight he sent me home. I like this kind of feeling which is sooo sweet, haha.

Well, ii just wanna express it out ii like him but ii wont go together with him Reason there will be alot but of the d main reason, he's too good, ii don think I'm good enough for him & other worries as well. Haix.. .. But still enjoyed being with him.

Here is some words just wanna let him know & expressing, ii might not always be good sometimes ii just put on a front. I wanna confessed to him but I'm afraid how he look & think of me. If he really like me, hope he can accept my past, now & future. Also, I'm might not be a good girlfriend but ii will try my very best to understand him, giving him support and other etc. So actually ii dunno how he feel towards me but ii like him haha! Hopefully we can stay our friendship like this always! *wiNk**

Am ii right to set my expectation high or ii should just let it be natural??

Hai yo ii left my iphone at my Boutique, see how forgetful ii am! Lol. I think tml batt will flat, haha. B-)

Haix.. Recently just finished my Role-Play and ii going to hang up my BEV Assignment soon, left only CPA Assignment & CMB Assignment. "Jia you jia you!" Hmmmm actually ii feel tat my Role-play ii don think ii did well enough. 1st of all, last mins then ii know teacher wants bad services to good services.. If ii know, I'm suRe my script can do much more better & ii can act very well as well but too bad it's already over. I thought of re-do but I'm afraid my partner will disagree. Well, ii think next time ii know wat to do already & somehow ... ... ... HAHA, prepare if I'm going to be serious. If I going to be serious ii gonna set my expectation high, if not let natural take it courses. I can say if ii set my expectation high, ii will be another person & although more work but ii willing to give my best shot. So should ii set my expectation high or let it be natural?? Actually meaning of let it natural doesn't mean ii don't work hard is just that I'm not that competitive. So?? ...

Stupid Idiot mentioned if he bring laptop ii be his girlfriend, haha ii told him ii think ii have to consider. Hmmm should ii or shouldn't ii?? Lol. Really idiot lor, exchange condition with me. Clever! But ... ... Actually ii now feeling confused cOs ii tot need not bother or everything's alr in d past and ii wanna start anew but... ... ... Dunno eh, ii just hope as wat my supervisor help me see my fortune. Haha! B-) Ok la, today quite a nice day & hav his accompany. Lol.

Things keep bothering mE..

I can't sleep every night & ii dislike Night time. It makes me emotional everytime, when could ii stop?!! It's fraustrating!! During day time ii would make myself busy just hope tat night ii could sleep but useless. I would sleep or feel tired when ii really really lack of sleep or too many things to do lol.

There's sO much ii unhappy with & bothering me such as School Stuffs (Assignments, CA's, CCA & Exam), Working so to support myself financially. I have to worry & scared tat I'm unable to cope how & Next Month onwards my ITE move to Chua Chu Kang, sO far from my home. Wahhhh, have to wake up very early & my life will be totally dullness. *Sad** :( No more entertainment for me le & less time spent wif my friends, haix..

P.S: "Sorry to all dear friends but hope can stay contact as well. Do update mE u guys wat's u guys doing & if anything, do giv me a ring or msg. Go out have to inform me earlier so ii can make plans."

Most sadness things also will be if ii need help, who will be there for me?? If ii need a shoulder to cry, who will lend it to me?? If ii was to fall, who will lift me up?? I dare not hope for a relationship cOs I'm afraid of being hurt again & no confidence as well. I need a guardian angel who will understand wat am ii thinking, be there for me, as well as know how ii feel & what ii want. But ii think it won't happen to me. Although ii do hope for LOVE but I'm afraid as well. I feel so empty but ii do not wish to turn to anyone.

I know it's useless to dwell or think too much for the past for it's over and future for it yet to come but ii just caN't help it. I even thinking how could ii earn more money so ii can spend more instead of wanting to buy but consider & buy less. Haix. Proberly next year GST is increase again, up to 10%. Expenses is more. Wahh... Life is more stressful than ever before & if don work hard, haha can imagine d outcome.